Till Debt Do Us Part

Dear Single Way -

I'm seeing roadblocks ahead in my relationship with my boyfriend.  Lately I've noticed credit card and loan statements lying around his house when I'm there.  I try not to snoop but the balances seem high.  Is this a red flag?  I don't have any debt myself.  I know I should talk to him, but it makes me feel nervous – like I'm prying into personal stuff.  But what if we got married?  I'm not wild about taking on a bunch of liabilities.  What should I do?

-----Fiscally Wary

Dear Wary:

Dealing with tell-tale signs is tricky.  Your relationship is still developing and you don't want to rock the boat.  But you don't want big problems that will haunt you later.  It probably feels like walking a tightrope.

You are wise to be thinking about this before you get farther into the relationship.  Money can be a big issue and it has caused innumerable divorces.  So you must ask the question and clear the air no matter how hard that might be.

Let's take a look at this in God's terms.  When you are married, you become "one flesh."  That means you're welded together.  Now legally you may not be responsible for his obligations.  But these debts will significantly affect your life as a couple.

God also looks at stewardship.  In other words, what are we doing with the assets he's given us?  In your case, you'll need to find out what your gentleman friend's financial circumstances really are and how he got there.  That will determine how you ultimately view his situation.

How was this debt incurred?  Was it a student loan that helped him further his career?  Is it the result of a one-time problem, like unexpected medical bills?  Look to see if there is a reasonable cause.

Careless spending is another matter.  Does he buy things he can't afford?  Do his purchases reflect poor judgment or impulsiveness?  Does the balance continue to grow despite making payments?  This probably won't change after you're married.

The real question is - what is he going to do about it?  Does he have a plan to pay it off?  Can he do that before you get married?  How do you feel about being part of the "payment plan" if the debt comes into your marriage?  As you talk, evaluate his level of financial responsibility.

This is a big issue.  Whether or not he is even willing to discuss it will tell you a lot.  But just remember what the Apostle Paul said, "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another."  Love takes care of these matters and does not put loved ones in danger of financial peril.

Copyright 2003, Calvin R. Wulf and Lisa Are Wulf

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"How do you feel about being part of the "payment plan" if the debt comes into your marriage?"